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October 25, 2006 | South Carolina Headlines


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Commonviews 2002: The Real Tax Shifters by PMS
Jimmy Moore
May 22, 2002

A few years ago, there was a popular song all the kids were singing called "The Real Slim Shady" by a notorious rapper named Eminem.

In 2002, there is an updated version of that song coming out in South Carolina in June that is sure to be just as big a hit across the Palmetto state as the original.

It’s called “The Real Tax Shifters” by a new group called PMS.

Let me to introduce you to each of the members of the group:

First up is P. He especially likes calling other candidates tax shifters while neglecting to tell you that he likes to shift taxes, too! His property tax plan shifts the burden of taxation directly on the shoulders of the hard working business owner. While this self-made millionaire drives around in a big red pickup truck in his campaign commercials bragging about how he is in favor of lowering your taxes, his plan actually shifts the property tax burden to the businessman who in turn will pass that bill on to the citizens of South Carolina in the form of higher prices for goods and services. That to me is much worse than any tax increase I’ve ever seen!

Will the real tax shifters please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

Next up is M. He also shifts taxes to businesses and likes calling other candidates tax shifters, too. But he does it in a much more subtle and cowardly way. Rather than accusing his opponents directly, M uses this cat named PF, who leads a mudslinging group called Citizens For An Independent Society, to do his dirty work for him. This suspicious organization has been throwing around the “tax shift” label left and right against their main target, CC (who is the ONLY candidate proposing the complete elimination of ALL property taxes, while also saving South Carolina taxpayers $700 million!). All the while this same group sends out lots of love for their main man M. If M is found to be behind the funding of this group, then it could spell RIP for his candidacy for South Carolina Governor!

Will the real tax shifters please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

Finally, and the most heinous tax shifter of the group, is S. His tax shift is so blatant that even Stevie Wonder could see it! While he wants people to wait at least 18 years before their state income tax is completely abolished, he wants to charge people higher taxes on every gallon of gasoline they purchase until then. It’s the ultimate tax shifting job I’ve ever seen! S tries to hide behind his supposedly conservative voting record in Congress, but his rating of 77 by the American Conservative Union in 1998 made him the most liberal member of the South Carolina delegation in Washington D.C. that year!

Will the real tax shifters please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

For the first time anywhere, here’s an exclusive sneak peek of the lyrics to the new song “The Real Tax Shifters” by PMS:

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real tax shifters please stand up? I repeat, will the real tax shifters please stand up? We've got a problem here. Y'all act like you never seen a tax shift before. Yeah, these candidates probably got a couple of screws up in their head loose trying to call opposing candidates tax shifters. And that's the message that they deliver to all the voters out there. And they expect voters not to know what a real tax shift is! Of course they gonna know what a real tax shift is. They got the Fox News Channel don’t they? But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote. All these candidates need to stand up and yell. I’m a tax shifter, yes I’m the real tax shifter. So won’t the real tax shifters please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

This song is gonna be huge! Voters won't be able to get this song out of their heads. It’s releasing for airplay on June 11, 2002. Depending on its popularity that day, there may even be a special re-release of the song on June 25, 2002. We’ll have to wait and see!

PMS have been working hard to get to this point.

What will the voters think of them now? Stay tuned...

(If you didn't "get" this article, then have your kids explain it to you!)

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